Following my narrative is a brief writing by Maria Woodworth-Etter.
Excerpt from the writing:
(I)... "was not qualified for God's work. I knew that I was but a worm. God would have to take a worm to thresh a mountain."
My narrative:
As I come closer to GOD, I become less in my own eyes. I see more clearly my inadequacy and weakness. I could easily be discouraged and disappointed. Yet, why? Did JESUS, our GOD, not know me before He gave His life for me - for you? Why should one be so enmeshed in their conviction and opinion of their personal 'worth', to have that be a thing of wrestling? Can I not bask in the merit of my King Jesus - my Husband, Brother, High Priest, and Friend? So what of 'me'? Yet, this is a struggle I witness we all come up against in our life - and, certainly, the 'me first' to 'be happy' psychology of the secular world is so profoundly bereft. So, I ask (pray) to hide in the cleft of the Rock (Jesus), and that His be the face others see when they look at me. I rest in His strength and worth, grateful of His love for me (which I am unable to truly comprehend). I ask that He be strong as I am weak (which is more of a recognition than a request). I abide in Him, with the FAITH He abides in me (BECAUSE HE SAID SO). It is really all about belief and faith, for the work is finished. Jesus did it! And, while our Heavenly Father corrects us - those who are His Children - He nurtures and nourishes us. That is what a loving and good Father does! He's not out to get us - except to bring us home to Him.
Here is a word from GOD:
For this is what the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said: “In repentance and rest you will be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength.” But you were not willing, And you said, “No, for we will flee on horses!” Therefore you shall flee! “And we will ride on swift horses!” Therefore those who pursue you shall be swift. One thousand will flee at the threat of one man; You will flee at the threat of five, Until you are left like a signal post on a mountain top, And like a flag on a hill. Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him. For, you people in Zion, inhabitant in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer. He will certainly be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you. Although the Lord has given you bread of deprivation and water of oppression, He, your Teacher, will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will see your Teacher. Your ears will hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” whenever you turn to the right or to the left. And you will desecrate your carved images plated with silver, and your cast metal images plated with gold. You will scatter them as a filthy thing, and say to them, “Be gone!” Then He will give you rain for your seed which you will sow in the ground, and bread from the yield of the ground, and it will be rich and plentiful; on that day your livestock will graze in a wide pasture. Also the oxen and the donkeys that work the ground will eat seasoned feed, which has been winnowed with shovel and pitchfork. And on every lofty mountain and every high hill there will be streams running with water on the day of the great slaughter, when the towers fall. And the light of the full moon will be like the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven days, on the day the Lord binds up the fracture of His people and heals the wound He has inflicted. Isaiah 30:15-26
Writing from Maria Woodworth-Etter:
“I want the reader to understand, that at this time I had a good experience, a pure heart, was full of the love of God, but was not qualified for God's work. I knew that I was but a worm. God would have to take a worm to thresh a mountain. Then I asked God to give me the power he gave the Galilean fishermen - to anoint me for service. I came like a child asking for bread. I looked for it... God did not disappoint me. The power of the Holy ghost came down like a cloud. It was brighter than the sun. I was covered and, wrapped in it. I was baptized with the Holy Ghost, and Fire, and power, which has never left me. There was liquid fire, and the angels were all around me in fire and glory.”
“Still I made one excuse after another, and Jesus would answer, 'Go, and I will be with you'... Then Jesus said again, 'Go, and I will be with you.' I cried, 'Lord, I will go. Where shall I go?' And Jesus said, 'Go here, go there, wherever souls are perishing.' Praise the Lord for his wonderful goodness in revealing his word and will in such a wonderful way, to such a poor weak worm of the dust. I saw more in that vision than I could have learned in years of hard study. Praise His Holy Name. I saw that I must not depend on anything that I could do, but to look to Him for strength and wisdom.”
“I was very timid, and bound as with chains in a man-fearing spirit. When I arose to testify I trembled like a leaf, and began to make excuses - O God, send someone else!
Then the Lord in a vision caused me to see the bottomless pit open in all its horror and woe. There was weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. It was surrounded by a great multitude of people who seemed unconscious of their danger, and without a moments warning they would tumble into this awful place.
I was above the people on a narrow plank-walk, which wound up toward heaven; and I was exhorting and pleading with the people to come upon the plank and escape that awful place. Several started.
There was a beautiful bright light above me, and I was encouraging them to follow that light and they would go straight to heaven.
"In all these trials God was preparing me and opening the way for the great battle against the enemy of souls and now the great desire of my heart was to work for Jesus. I longed to win a star for the Savior's crown.”
“Sometimes when the Spirit of God was striving and calling so plainly, I would yield and say, 'Yes, Lord; I will go.' The glory of God came upon me like a cloud, and I seemed to be carried away hundreds of miles and set down in a field of wheat, where the sheaves were falling all around me. I was filled with zeal and power, and felt as if I could stand before the whole world and plead with dying sinners. It seemed to me that I must leave all and go at once. Then Satan would come in like a flood and say, 'You would look nice preaching, being a gazing-stock for the people to make sport of. You know you could not do it.'
Then I would think of my weakness and say, 'No; of course I cannot do it.' Then I would be in darkness and despair. I wanted to run away from God, or I wished I could die; but when I began to look at the matter in this way, that God knew all about me, and was able and willing to qualify me for the work, I asked Him to qualify me for the work. I ASKED HIM TO QUALIFY ME.”
“At one time I was praying for the salvation of sinners, and the Saviour appeared on the cross by me, and talked with me; I laid my hand on his mangled body, and looked up in his smiling face. Another time I was meditating upon the love of God in giving his only Son to die for sinners, and of the beautiful home he was preparing for those who love him, and I seemed to float away, and was set down in the Beautiful City. Oh, the glorious sight that met my view can never be expressed by mortal tongue”
“If you from sin are longing to be free,
Look to the Lamb of God
He, to redeem you, died on Calvary,
Look to the Lamb of God.”
“He said the angels and his little child who had passed over, were in the room. He shouted and praised God until the last breath was gone. His triumphant death convinced some of the hardest sinners of the reality of religion. “Oh, let me die the death of the righteous, that my last end be like his.” Our loving Father is calling his children home one by one. Some of us have more loved ones over on the golden shore than we have here. They are watching and waiting for us. Shall they watch in vain?”
